Truth Stranger than Fiction?

This recent article in the LA Times about Jo Stougaard's effort to taste every dish at Jitlada reminded me of JayMan and the Noodle House. You just never know what some bloggers will do.

Make the Pie Higher: Simplethings Sandwich & Pie Shop

I've been sort of ignoring the whole pie trend. In case you've been living under a culinary rock, there have been dozens of articles and blog postings recently about how pie is the new cupcakes. (As you may recall, about five years ago, cupcakes were the new tart yogurt, which was the new boba tea, etc.)

Don't get me wrong, I like pie. I mean, what's not to like? I just can't get that excited about it. I've always been a fan of Sweet Lady Jane's fruit pies, and I like a good, gooey coconut cream or a nice custard pie at Dupar's. I still haven't found a good chocolate cream pie in this town and would be excited for any tips, but pie just doesn't hold the excitement for me that cake or chocolate desserts do.

I stopped by Simplethings, on Third Street, to see what all the fuss was about. While they have three sizes, the most popular pies at Simplethings are about 3 inches in diameter. They are the cupcakes of pie. I tried a variety of everything they had when I stopped by.

Overall, I was underwhelmed. The fruit pies (apple, cherry and lemon bar) were disappointing. The lemon wasn't lemony enough and the cherry had no zing. But the real disappointment was the crust, which in many ways is the essence of pie (and what separates it from a compote or custard). It was doughy, chewy and lacking in flavor, almost as if it had been a mere afterthought.

The non-fruit pies were a bit better. The Missouri Mud was a nice chocolaty pie with a marshmallow center; sort of a play on s'mores. French silk was banana cream were pretty average versions. My favorite item was not a pie at all but the Boston Whoppee Pie, a whoppee pie with chocolate frosting and a creamy filling.

Simplethings also has breakfasts, sandwiches and savory pot pies, none of which I sampled.

If this is what the pie trend has to offer, I may go back to cupcakes.


Simplethings Sandwich & Pie Shop

8310 W. 3rd Street
Los Angeles, cA 90048
(323) 592-3390

Whiskey Wednesday: Usuikyou - The World's Worst Whisky?

We continue our series of the world's worst whiskies with a Japanese Single Malt. Now Japan has been making single malts in the Scotch style since the 1920s, and I have generally found their malts to be of excellent quality, rivaling those of Scotland, but that's not to say that there aren't a few bad apples in the barrel, and in this case, some totally rotten, maggot-filled apples.

Usuikyou is an independent bottling by the Tokuoka Company of malt from the little known Monde Syuzou distillery in Yamanasi, Japan. According to Nonjatta, the best on-line English language source on Japanese Whisky, Monde Syuzou is mostly produced for blends. As far as I can tell, the Usuikyou, a 25 year old, cask strength(64% abv) malt distilled in 1983, is the only single malt bottling from this distillery, though Nonjatta reports that they may be considering a distillery bottling of the single malt (if Usuikyou is at all representative of their style, I implore them not to do so!)

How to describe the aboslute horror of the vile liquid that is Usuikyou. The nose gives you metal, some sherry and old garbage left out in the sun. The flavor is distinctly that of burnt rubber, like when a semi slams on the breaks. The finish is bitter and metallic and lasts seemingly forever. Even after having another whisky, I could still taste this wretched spirit. It's just horrifying, cringe-worthy stuff. One of my fellow tasters at the Los Angeles Whiskey Society (who I gladly shared a sample with) asked, "Who was the demented person who bottled this stuff?" Who indeed?

Move over Loch Dhu, there's a new king of nasty in town.

Next week we continue our parade of bad whiskies with a look at a distillery that somehow puts out some of the greatest and some of the worst whiskies around.

NoHO Thai: Swan

I used to go to NoHO for Thai quite often in the days of the great Wat Thai Temple food fair. Once the Temple shut down its weekend food stalls, a few years ago, I spent some time looking for NoHo alternatives, hitting Krua Thai and Sri Siam, but since then, I've stuck closer to home. Finding myself heading to the Valley, I asked my colleagues at Chowhound for a recommendation, and they did not disappoint. From their recommendations, I chose Swan Thai.

Swan Thai on Sherman Way just east of Coldwater, was my latest NoHo try. This is one of those places where pretty much everything is great. Chinese broccoli with crispy pork was better than most I've tried. The pork was fried up to chewy, crispy little chicharrones, the sauce was rich and porky, my only complaint was that there weren't enough of those addictive little pork pieces. Papaya salad was a fine specimen, as was the Thai sausage. The stir fried morning glories, one of my favorite dishes but one that is sometimes mostly garlicky, had garlic but also a real rich meaty flavor. One of my favorite dishes was the oxtail soup, a super-beefy, super rich and spicy beef broth.

This place is definitely going on the must-return list.

Swan Thai
12728 Sherman Way
North Hollywood, CA 91605
(818) 764-1892

RIP: Ortolan

Yet another restaurant closed its doors recently. Ortolan, on Third Street, was a temple of high cuisine, the aesthetic and presentation was probably the closest thing we have to places like Joel Robuchon. I only made it to Ortolon once a few months ago, I guess I was right under the wire. I'll be sad not to be able to dream about returning for the seared foie gras in mushroom soup, a fatty-fungus combo that showed that foie gras need not be paired with something sticky-sweet to work. That, along with one of the smoothest, creamiest panna cottas I've ever are my best memories of that meal.

Fly away little ortolan, hopefully you will land on your feet.

Whiskey Wednesday: Worst Scotch Ever?

Ask a panel of whisky experts what their favorite Scotch is and you will hear nothing but equivocation. You will be told that there are too many to choose from, that each is right for a different mood and other non-answers. One brand ambassador compared it to having to choose a favorite among his children. But ask the same group about the worst single malt they ever tasted and you will almost always get a quick, two word answer: Loch Dhu.

Loch Dhu is the Edsel of Scotch malt whisky; it is famous for being a complete and utter failure. A ten year old product of the Mannochmore distillery, it is widely known as one of the worst Scotch single malts ever released. Nearly black in color, which some have speculated is due to a massive infusion of caramel, Loch Dhu was known as the "black whisky" and its name is Gaelic for "black lake." The whisky was released in 1996 and its notorious reputation has only grown since then. In fact, strangely enough, it is considered a collector's item and goes for hundreds of dollars at auction, even though no one recommends drinking it. It is a true whisky oddity.

So what was so bad about Loch Dhu? Well, I now have the opportunity to find out. A few stray bottles recently showed up at Wine & Liquor Depot in Van Nuys. You may still find some on the shelf...for $300 per regular bottle or $80 for a 200 ml.

Loch Dhu (Mannochmore Distillery) 10 yo, 40% abv

Given that it's the "black whisky," it's hard not to comment on the color which is dark brown, resembling a cup of French Roast coffee. The nose has malt with a strong balsamic vinegar element, very unpleasant. As it first hits your tongue, the stuff seems okay with a malty flavor, but then there is an unpleasant rush of prune juice. It ends with a really strong bitterness which settles into a long bitter finish. How to describe this stuff? It tastes like Scotch mixed with prune juice and a dash of balsamic vinegar. It really is pretty horrible.

Well, I'd have to say that Loch Dhu deserves its wretched reputation. It is truly awful and I don't know what I'm going to do with the 190 ml I have left. It is certainly one of the worst single malts I've tasted, but not the worst. For that, you will have to wait until next week.

Affogatos on Hillhurst - Gelato Bar

Gelato Bar, one of my favorite gelato destinations, opened a branch in Los Feliz last summer. Tragedy of tragedies, though, they did not have an espresso machine when they opened. This is tragic because Gelato Bar's Studio City location makes the best affogatos in town (see my LA Gelato Tour). The affogato, as you hopefully know, is that sublime combination of gelato and espresso. At Gelato Bar it's topped with a bit of whipped cream and some chocolate crunchies. (While I preferred their previous style of topping the affogato with cacao nibs, it's still great).

I don't know how long it's been there, but I'm happy to report that the Hillhurst branch now has an espresso machine, perfect not just for affogatos but for expertly prepared espresso drinks using coffee from Sonoma County's Ecco Caffe. This move, by the way, has immediately catapulted Gelato Bar into the title of best coffee in Los Feliz.

Gelato Bar (Los Feliz)
1936 Hillhurst Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 668-0606