Disneyland Dining: Stage Door Cafe

A few years ago I did a write up of the various food offerings at Disneyland. One place I didn't make it to back then was the Stage Door Cafe. The Stage Door is in Frontier Land, just to the right of the Golden Horseshoe ice cream shop. The cafe is a counter where you order food to eat in the outdoor seating area.

It turns out that even more than most Disney eateries, if you can imagine this, the Stage Door is a palace of fried food. In fact, literally everything on the menu is fried, with the exception of the mandatory Disney-healthy-option bag of apple slices. The menu choices are fish & chips, chicken tenders & fries and corn dog & fries. The corn dogs are the excellent Disneyland version available at the Main Street red wagon and the Corn Dog Castle at California Adventure. The chicken was perfectly acceptable and I didn't try the fish.



For dessert, they have funnel cake offered topped with sugar, strawberry topping or chocolate. I had high hopes for the funnel cake. After all, Disney cuisine may have a number of draw backs but their strength is that they know how to fry the shit out of things. The corn dogs are probably the best food in the park, the churros are tasty and the monte cristo sandwiches at the Blue Bayou are legendary. Unfortunately, that deep frying prowess didn't seem to carry on to the funnel cake. Instead of being crisp, it was chewy and stale. I suspect it had spent some time sitting under a heat lamp, which is death for funnel cakes. But the flavor was also pretty non-existent, which is, I suppose why they buried it in strawberry glop and non-dairy whipped topping.

Overall, the Stage Door Cafe is not a bad option if you're looking for something fast and greasy. Just skip the funnel cake.

Quiz Answer: Who Serves the Finest Corn Whiskey?

So, in answer to the quiz question from last week, where is this establishment that serves the "Finest Corn Whiskey"? The answer is...nowhere. As you may have guessed, this being tinseltown and all, this is a facade. It's not from a movie set, though, it appears on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad roller coaster at Disneyland.

My daughter is the one who found it one day when she was in line for the ride with my wife. "Look, it says whiskey," she said loudly, "Daddy loves whiskey!" For the rest of the line, my poor wife had to endure the pitifully sympathetic looks from nearby patrons who undoubtedly imagined that the little girl's father was, at that very moment, lying face down in the gutter somewhere.

Had I been there, of course, I would have corrected her..."Yeah, but not corn whiskey."

Disney's Soda Fountain - Great Shakes, Bad Food

The Disney Soda Fountain, adjacent to the Disney owned El Capitan theater, is like a small Disneyland outpost in Hollywood. Enter it and you could very well be in one of Disneyland's many shops where food, gifts and Disnified decor intermingle. The cramped space is divided about half and half between a gift shop and a soda fountain with a few tables. I had lunch at the Fountain a few weeks ago after watching a Tinkerbell movie at the El Capitan and expected the food to be roughly the same as the movie, recognizable and kid-friendly but overhyped and utterly unoriginal. On balance, I was about half right.

The food at the Fountain was uniformly bad. My French Dip was served on a roll that should have been parbaked but wasn't. The meat was sad and dry and the jus was little more than tepid salt-water. The pastrami sandwich was similarly uninspired with a few slices of deli pastrami on cold, supermarket-style rye bread. The hot dog was a lackluster Hebrew National.

But this is a fountain and they should really be judged on their fountain drinks. I figured there was some hope here, since at Disneyland, the sweets are nearly always better than the savories, but I was surprised at what I got.

I ordered a simple vanilla malt and what I got was a nearly flawless version of the classic specimen. The shake was thick but sippable through the straw, the malt was perfectly balanced with the ice cream, and yes, they even gave us that sadly endangered species, the metal cup with the overflow shake. Had they used home made whip cream instead of the can, it would have been perfect.

I wasn't expecting this milkshake to be so good partly because of the low quality of the food and partly because of the various absurd ice cream items on the menu, including various Disney themed toppings such as Mickey Mouse shaped sprinkles and Tinkerbell green marshmallow cream (which seems more akin to what you would get if you stepped on the fairy). I must say, though, that I'm now interested in trying some of their sundaes and other items.

The Fountain is usually packed after the more popular movies so avoid it as you're coming out of the latest Pixar release, and instead, go during show time, or better yet, take in a Tinkerbell movie.

Disney's Soda Fountain
6834 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323) 817-1475

Disney Dining: Storyteller's Cafe

Back when I did my round up of dining options at Disneyland and Disney California Adventure, several posters told me to check out the restaurants in the Grand Californian Hotel, adjacent to the California Adventure park. They were adamant that the food was much better than the park food.

Intrigued, on my last trip I had the breakfast buffet at the Storyteller's Cafe at the Grand Californian. It is certainly convenient as you can enter directly from the park, and it was a decent quality, if not exceptional, breakfast buffet which was, indeed, a step up from the park food. The buffet was fairly typical of what you would find in any nice hotel: eggs benedict, omelet station, various meats and pastries.

I very much liked the two types of lox, which had the taste of being home-cured. One was a traditional lox and the other more of a gavalox, with a heavy dill coating. Both were very nice; it's too bad the bagels to accompany them weren't of higher quality. The ham slices were thick and tasty and the biscuits and gravy looked good but had run out by the time I got to them.

Normally, this would be a fine breakfast, though not one to rave about, but in the low expectations world of Disneyland, Storyteller's Cafe was far higher quality than what can be found in the park. They also have a lunch menu and a dinner buffet.

Storyteller's Cafe is located in the Grand Californian Hotel, which you can enter from Downtown Disney or from Disney California Adventure near the Grizzly River Run ride.

Disneyland Wrap Up

My reviews of Disneyland and Disney California Adventure got quite the treatment both in my own comments section and, even moreso, on Chowhound, see here and here. It turns out people are pretty darned passionate about their Disney dining experiences, and I received both criticism and praise for my choices. (I never get that much controversy for posts on the best pupusas).

Anyway, one thing I decided based on people's kind suggestions is that I need to check out the various dining options at the Grand Californian Hotel, the lodge-style hotel directly adjacent to Disney California Adventure, which even has its own entrance to the park. A good review of one of its eateries appears on the site of uber-Disney fan Michael Kaye at Famished LA. He's also done a fabulous review of Club 33, the exclusive, members-only restaurant in the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. It's sort of the Skull & Bones of theme park eateries.

So, consider this an introduction to Disney dining, but our exploration and reviews will continue. Oh, and I hear they have rides too.

The Mediocrest Place on Earth - Disney Dining Part 2: Disney California Adventure

Welcome to part two of our series on Disneyland Park dining in which we delve into Disney California Adventure. (See here for part one). Since its lackluster opening in 2001, Disney California Adventure has been the Rodney Dangerfield of theme parks, getting so much criticism and so little respect that Disney finally caved in and started a major revamp this year. Personally, I've always liked DCA, and in dining terms, California Adventure is significantly better, on average, than its mousy counterpart, and there's booze to boot.

Like Disneyland, Disney California Adventure is divided into different themed lands, but the lands at DCA are a bit less defined. I will group the eateries by location but also try to give some description of where they are. As with my Disneyland reviews, this list in not exhaustive and includes only food within the park, so no Downtown Disney and no hotel food (sorry Napa Rose). One additional note, due to the refurbishment of the Park, there have been some closures and others are expected.


SUNSHINE PLAZA/CONDOR FLATS

If you take a right at the park entrance, there will be a number of eateries leading up to the excellent Soarin' Over California ride, including the basic but decent Bakers' Field Bakery and Bur-r-r Bank Ice Cream (serving Dreyer's ice cream).


Taste Pilots' Grill

The aviation themed Taste Pilots' Grill, adjacent to Soarin' Over California, serves ribs, chicken and burgers with big waffle fries and onion rings. Usually Disney just mangles this type of food, but the pork ribs are pretty decent, and I like both the rings and waffle fries. This is definitely one of the more edible choices in either park.


PARADISE PIER/GOLDEN STATE

Paradise Pier is the boardwalk-style area located near Paradise Bay. The Golden State eateries are adjacent to the pier in the wharf area which appears to be modeled after some combination of San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf and the Monterey Cannery district.

Corndog Castle



I've written up Corndog Castle before, in its own right, and as I explained last week, I think their corndogs are better than the similar ones on Main Street in Disneyland. These giant dogs are fried to perfection, creating a non-uniform crust that bulges at the top and tapers down to the stick. The batter has a great sweet corn taste that melds well with the dog juice, and the texture is just right -- crisp on the outside and corn bread/cakey underneath. I like the hot link best, but the original dog is also excellent. This humble dog is probably the best single dish in either park, so don't miss it. My only quarrel with the Castle is that, like many Disney dining establishments, they don't open until 11:00 a.m., and I'm usually craving one of these babies by 10:30.

Burger Invasion/McDonalds

The only chain fast food restaurant in the park, this McDonalds at the edge of Paradise Pier is cleverly disguised as something called Burger Invasion. Did someone think this would fool us? Did they think people would think that Disney has its own restaurant that just happens to serve Big Macs? Despite the fact that this is a McDonalds, as I noted last week, Disney makes some of the worst burgers in the world, so if you must have a burger, this might be your best bet, though it is currently closed as part of the refurbishment.

The Boudin Bakery Tour

Boudin bakery has a stand in the wharf area which is the equivalent of what you'd find in their airport stores with fresher bread, which they bake on premises. The food is fine, but I really enjoyed the Boudin Bakery tour. While peering through glass at the actual breadmaking process, you are guided by a series of videos, starring Rosie O'Donnell, which do a nice job of explaining the elements of sourdough bread baking. The Boudin Bakery and Tour are scheduled to close February 9 for the refurbishment, so catch it now if you're interested.

The Mission Tortilla Tour

The Mission Tortilla tour is similar to the Boudin tour but less informative, though you do get to see the tortilla machines in operation. At the end of the tour, you get a fresh tortilla (sometimes corn, sometimes flour), and heck, even a Mission tortilla is pretty darned good when served hot off the press.


Rita's Margaritas

Outside the Boudin Bakery is Rita's margarita stand. It may seem tempting to walk around the park holding a margarita, but resist that temptation. These frozen, fluorescent concoctions are to margaritas as Disneyland's "mint julep" drinks, which I discussed last week, are to real mint juleps, with the exception that the Disney margaritas at least have alcohol in them, or so they claim. These are syrupy sweet and artificial tasting slushies with little redeeming value. AVOID.


HOLLYWOOD PICTURES BACKLOT

Award Wieners

The only proper food in the Hollywood Backlot section of DCA is the unfortunately named Award Wieners hot dog stand. I thought this sounded promising given the great dogs at Corndog Castle, but alas, it was not to be. These dogs were totally lackluster, cooked to a sickly, wrinkled state and served in stale buns. I had a plain dog and a BBQ, the latter of which was covered with an overly sweet BBQ sauce and a few sad onions. If you want a dog, head to the Castle.


A BUG'S LAND

A Bug's Land is a toddler-friendly land based on the 1998 Pixar film A Bug's Life in which the mean grassphooper, Hopper, tries to enslave a colony of friendly ants. In a perfect world, A Bug's Land would feature Hopper's Chapulines stand. Well, needless to say, it doesn't, but there is a half-way decent ice cream place called San Andreas Shakes, serving flurries and shakes made from soft serve. I like it, but I'm sort of a sucker for soft serve, shakes and flurries.

Now's the Time to Say Goodbye

Well, I hope you have enjoyed our guide to culinary survival at the Disney parks. I know haven't tried every single eatery and have even missed some landmarks like Ariel's Grotto (my family went without me and refused to return on a subsequent visit, which I took as a bad sign) and Wine Country Trattoria. If I missed something good or even vaguely edible, please let me know.

The Mediocrest Place on Earth - Disney Dining Part 1: Disneyland

Ah Disneyland, home to fun and adventure for children of all ages. The happiest place on earth...except when it's time to eat, when it becomes a minefield of overpriced mediocrity and downright horribility. Is it possible to find great food in Disneyland? Not really...but there is the better and the worse. As a fairly regular guest, I thought I would share my experiences in Disney dining and help you identify the pitfalls and possibly, a few hidden gems.

This week we will focus on the the popular Disneyland Park and next week, we will cover the less popular though in my estimation underrated Disney California Adventure, but first, a few helpful eating tips for both parks.

Tips for the Hungry Mouse

1. You can bring outside food into the park. That's right, you can bring food from home or elsewhere and eat it in the park. Technically, you are not supposed to actually enter the park with outside food, but should eat it at the front picnic area, but I've never had a problem setting up at one of the outdoor restaurant tables with a sandwich. (There is a Lee's Sandwiches that opens at 7:00 a.m. just a few miles from the park on Harbor Blvd.) Even if I don't bring a full meal, I usually bring some healthy snacks so I have some alternative to the high priced goodies that tempt you throughout the park.

2. Bring water. Even if you don't bring food or snacks, there is no reason to pay Disney prices for water. I usually bring at least a bottle per person. If you freeze them the night before, they stay pretty cool most of the day.

3. Avoid Hamburgers. Even at the places I say are decent, do not order hamburgers. I don't know what Disney does to their hamburger patties but they are revolting, grey discs that have no place between a bun. Anton Ego would not swallow.

4. Remember the First Corollary of Disney Dining: Nothing is Great/Everything is Expensive. You will have a better time if you accept this rule. As a food blogger, I suspend my usual standards when I enter the Magic Kingdom. There are a few good bites, but no amazing finds, and sweets tends to be better than savories. Just repeat the rule to yourself: Nothing is Great/Everything is Expensive. You'll live to eat another day.

5. Reserve a table. At some choice dining spots, particularly the Blue Bayou at Disneyland and Ariel's Grotto at California Adventure, reservations are required. Call Disney Dining at (714) 781-DINE.

6. Disney is dry/California Adventure is wet. You won't find alcohol for sale at Disneyland park, but you will find it at California Adventure.

And now for the food, by Disney location. First a few caveats for both this list and next week's. This list is by no means exhaustive but reflects some of the things I have experimented with, for good or ill, over the years. Also, it covers only food within the park, not Downtown Disney or food at any of the hotels.


MAINSTREET USA




About that corndog cart

The only single Disneyland food that gets buzz among foodies is the corndog cart on Mainstreet USA. Even Jonathan Gold has sung the praises of the little red wagon. It's located on the right side of Main Street, from the direction of the entrance, right before you hit the Carnation Cafe. When done well, these things are indeed wonderful...a perfectly fried, sweet and chewy cornmeal coating, hand dipped such that it bulges at the top and locks in the hot dog juice. Of late, however, they have had a problem with the grease having a rancid odor, a smell that makes me nauseous before I even bite into the dog. If you can smell the grease before you can see the cart, you may want to pop across to Disney California Adventure's Corndog Castle, which I will cover next week. Same dog, fresh grease.


NEW ORLEANS SQUARE

New Orleans Square has some of the most promising food in the park, as you might expect from an area that is named after one of America's most prominent gastronomic destinations.

Blue Bayou

One of the most sought after seats at the Disney table, the Blue Bayou's main draw is the location. It is situated inside of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, which gives you the feeling of dining alongside a bayou at night. It's fun to sit and watch the pirate boats pass by. The food is mostly mediocre, but they do serve one of the last great Monte Cristo sandwiches. I love a Monte Cristo...ham, cheese and turkey on white bread, battered and fried and served with jam. The BB does a near perfect version of this classic. My biggest beef with the Bayou is that the food is ludicrously expensive, and this includes the Monte Cristo which weighs in at almost $20 (although it is big enough to easily feed two). Overall, the BB is a great thing to do once, but call in advance for reservations, (714)781-DINE, because it fills up.


Cafe Orleans

For the food of the Blue Bayou without the fun of eating inside a ride, Cafe Orleans is a table service restaurant with a similar menu, including the vaunted Monte Cristo, and reservations are not required.


French Market Restaurant

The French Market Restaurant is a decent cafeteria style restaurant right next to Cafe Orleans. They do a fine fried chicken, and I like the pork on the BBQ pork po-boy, though the bread is perpetually stale.

At the service window on the patio of the French Market you can get little apple dumplings and the popular "mint julep" which is also served at the Cafe Orleans and the Bayou. Now, as a fan of real mint juelps, I have to say that I am deeply offended that anyone would call this non-alcoholic, fluorescent green elixir that smells and tastes like something you would polish furniture with, a mint julep. I don't know what it is; I don't know that I want to know what it is, but it certainly does not contain mint or Bourbon and therefore, has no business being called a mint julep.


Royal Street Veranda

The Royal Street Veranda is a window near the Pirates ride which serves clam chowder and gumbo in a sourdough bowl. It's not bad when doused with Tabasco (think a decent canned soup in a Boudin boule) and pretty quick if you are trying to get on with your day at the park without a long lunch break.


TOMORROWLAND

Tomorrowland Terrace

The futuristic Tomorrowland Terrace is a large circular stand at the center of Tomorrowland. In the world of tomorrow, food will apparently have lost all redeeming value and have been reduced to tasteless burgers, wilted lettuce and flavorless chicken sandwiches. Tomorrowland Terrace may be the worst food in Disneyland, which is saying a lot...AVOID, AVOID, AVOID.



Redd Rockett's Pizza Port

Big slices of pizza and pasta are available at the Space Mountain adjacent Redd Rockett's. It's pretty similar to a Sbarro or similar mall-Italian place. They do have some decent pastas with some nice garlic in the sauce. Pizza Port is a pretty safe bet in the otherwise dangerous culinary world of Tomorrowland.


ADVENTURELAND

Bengal Barbecue

I'd heard some good recommendations for the satay-style skewered meats at Bengal Barbecue in Adventureland. The skewers looked like satay, but they were salty, really, really salty. I won't be returning.


Tiki Juice Bar

One of the few places you can get a Dole Whip outside of Hawaii is in the juice bar outside the Enchanted Tiki Room. Personally, I'm not fan of these popular tropical fruit sherbets which come out of the soft-serve machine. They have an artificial/chemical taste I find off-putting, but if that's your thing, you can get it here. Now, an Enchanted Tiki Bar, that would be cool.


FOOD CARTS AROUND THE PARK

There are lots of carts that serve food at multiple locations around the park...here's a guide to just a few of them.

Churros

Disneyland does a pretty decent churro. They are crispy on the outside, chewy within...my standard Disney breakfast.


Ice Cream Bars

There are carts all over both parks selling various ice cream novelties such as mouse shaped ice cream sandwiches, frozen bananas and chocolate covered Mickey Mouse ice cream bars. Most of these are pretty decent. I particularly like the chocolate covered Mickey Mouse bar. The chocolate is rich and the ice cream isn't too sweet. However, these ice cream bars come with two caveats: (1) Do not read the ingredient list...just don't; (2) I don't know what Disney uses in their freezer carts, but these things are hard as rocks. Seriously, you could chip a tooth on one of these things...or kill someone if you threw it hard enough. I literally wait 15 minutes before eating one of these mouse-eared treats, maybe less on a really sweltering summer day.


Well, I hope that will help you avoid the bad and seek out some of the good on your next trip to Disneyland. The food is actually a bit better at Disney California Adventure, which we will review next week, so stay tuned Disney diners.

UPDATE: See this entry and extensive comments on Chowhound.

Quick Picks: Corn Dog Castle at Disney California Adventure

Disney theme parks are not food destinations, to say the least, but Corn Dog Castle, in the Paradise Pier area of Disney California Adventure, is serious fair food. You can get a juicy, jumbo hot dog or hot link (choose the hot link), dipped in a slightly sweet batter and fried crispy and golden brown but moist on the inside. The battered coating is thick such that the finished product looks like a miniature baseball bat. It has the perfect Corndog Textural Counterpoint (CTC, for those in the know) when you bite through the sweet, crunchy cornmeal and into the juicy, spicy dog. This is one of the best corndogs I've had in the admittedly low-corndog density Southern California area.

Sure, it's almost $6, but at Disneyland, what isn't?