Cranky Friday

A few people have noted that my reviews tend to be positive and have asked why nothing ever get the thumbs down from me. I actually think I tend to be fairly critical, but it's true, I tend to post about places that I find delicious and exciting. I figure that's more helpful to the reader. After all, who needs to hear that Pupuseria X on Alvarado is only mediocre. The only exception I make is for places that have received lots of attention. In that case, I may post a contrarian review if I disagree.

That being said, I have a few genuine dislikes and pet peeves that I figured I would take the opportunity to air. Having had a grueling month at work, I'm particularly cranky, so I thought it was time to unleash some venom.

Vosges Chocolates.

Okay, first let's discuss the hideous bacon flavored chocolate. I know the trend is to put bacon on everything these days, and I love bacon as much as the next Jew, but ughh...it tastes like bad chocolate with Bac-O Bits...I couldn't even finish the thing and for me and chocolate, that's saying a lot.

The bacon flavor is just putrid icing on the really bad cake though. Vosges dresses their chocolate in gourmet packages and sells it at up-market venues like Whole Foods and Intelligentsia, but the truth is, it's crap. Vosges contains additives, like soy lecithin, that better chocolate makers disdain. These additives are undoubtedly supposed to make it taste creamy, but instead give it a greasy, artificial mouthfeel. They try to cover for this by mixing with strong flavors like chili and salt, but to me, that just makes it worse, and they make the flavors so strong, it creates and unbalanced mess. Yuck!


Celebrity Chefs in LA

Five years ago, you could get into nearly any LA restaurant at any time by calling, at most, a week in advance. Sona, Spago or Melisse for 4 at 7:30? No problem. But then came the celebrity chefs. Bankrolled, book writing, Today show appearing chefs who started noticing that there was life west of Vegas. You know the routine. They show up for the first month to do interviews and cook for the beautiful people after which they speed back to Manhattan. In their wake, they have given us a little bit of New York in LA, and not in a good way. Restaurants that are all but inaccessible if you're not rep'd by William Morris, reservations available before 4:30 pm or after 1:30 am and customers who have more money than taste buds. Is the food good? Who knows? Who gets in? The only good thing, there's more space than ever at Melisse. So thanks for that Mario, Tom and Gordon.


The Back Room of Dim Sum Palaces

There is no more terrible feeling than showing up at your favorite dim sum house in the San Gabriel Valley and being shown to the back room. These overflow rooms, adjacent to the main hall are the places where carts fear to tread. So far afield are they that only chinese broccoli and chicken feet are allowed in. There you sit, hungry, waiting, watching the chicken feet go by for the fifth time, wondering where the rest of the food is, dying for a pork bun, some lotus-wrapped sticky rice or any other mosel. It's a Coleridge like horror: "Dim sum, dim sum everywhere but not a drop to eat."


Boring Scotch

There are a number of Scotches which, while I wouldn't say they are terrible, are overrated and unexciting. Most of these are highly promoted Speysiders which seem to be marketing to an otherwise whiskiphobic crowd. They are fine whiskies which I can drink, but can't get excited about. Among the malts in this category are: The Glenrothes vintage series and the Glenmorangie series of finished whiskies. Yawn! (I would have added Balvenie Doublewood, but given that good ole Doc Whiskey is singing their praises these days, I will give them another chance.)


StraightBourbon.Com

One of the best sites to learn about Bourbon is straightbourbon.com. It's got a great FAQ, information on distilleries and brands (though it could use some updating) and a great forum with regular posts from distinguished whiskey expert Chuck Cowdery.

What perpetually gets in the way of my enjoyment of this site, though, is that nearly half of the posts seem to have nothing to do with Bourbon whatsoever, but instead are various right wing polemics about the myth of global warming, the right of every man woman and child to sport an uzi and the latest screed they heard on Rush or saw on Fox News.

I'm sorry, I came here to read about Bourbon. If I want to read right wing bullshit, I'll go to some right wing bullshit site...there are only, what, 35 million of those. Post something left of Mussolini on Straightbourbon and you will be called out as the Communist you inevitably are. Now, granted, the right wing posts are generally by a small minority of posters, but it gets in the way of a lot of good Bourbon information, and it's just annoying. In retaliation, I've got a mind to go to redstate.com and make 5,000 posts about the beauty of Elijah Craig 18 year old single barrel!


Michael Ruhlman

I've got no patience for this darling of the food media world. His books are overwritten and boring, as is his blog. His adherence to traditional French food is stodgy and boring. His TV appearances are, well, just boring. Please kick this guy to the curb and bring us Jeffrey Steingarten or someone who at least has a sense of humor.


Hazlenuts

There aren't many foods I flat-out dislike. In fact, about the only other one I can think of is tripe (no menudo for me thanks). But I just can't deal with hazlenuts. I hate how they grace every chocolate dessert, ruining the taste of fine chocolate with their rancidity. There is nothing worse than the pervasive smell of hazlenut flavored coffee that exudes from every pour of my body if I spend even a minute in my local 7-11. Hazlenuts are evil!! And don't even get me started on Nutella.



Wow, that felt good. I should do that more often.

Whiskey Wednesday: The Mint Julep

Yes, it's long past Derby Day, but don't be silly. The Mint Julep is appropriate anytime it's over 65 degrees (and in Los Angeles, that's most of the year). You just can't go wrong with mint and Bourbon.

Ingredients:

Mint
Simple syrup
Bourbon
Crushed ice
Looooove

How to Make a Mint Julep

As usual, I will pass this task off to the experts. For Morganthaler on Mint Julep, see here and here.

For perfect technique plus poetic waxings, you absolutely must watch Chris McMillian in what may be the finest example of cocktail making anywhere:



Both Morganthaler and McMillian make the traditional Mint Julep. I made the same one (yes I used a glass instead of the traditional silver cup - so shoot me). The trick is not to be stingy with the mint. Throw five or six good sized sprigs down there and muddle gently-- watch the McMillian video for technique. Mint is strong, so gentle muddling will get you all the flavor you need.

I don't happen to have a giant Thor-like mallet like McMillian, so I put my ice in a Ziplock bag and crush it with a rolling pin. It works just fine. Then, pour those liquid ingredients over the ice and serve with a straw. Mmmmmm.


The Party Julep

Let's face it, the Julep is a party drink and the muddle mint in every glass technique just ain't gonna' cut it for your backyard BBQ. So here is my full proof party Julep recipe. Each batch is good for about six or seven good sized servings.

An hour or two ahead of service time: Put one bunch of mint in a pitcher. Cover with four cups boiling water and add 1/4 to 1/3 cup sugar, depending on how sweet you want it. Let steep for 15-20 minutes until there is a nice minty taste, then remove the mint and refrigerate.

You have now made a sweetened mint tea which will serve as your all purpose Julep mixer. Just add crushed ice and the appropriate amount of Bourbon (or not, for the kids) and serve.

This is a less sophisticated drink than the muddled Bourbon version, and you will get less Bourbon/mint interaction out of it, so choose your Bourbon accordingly. You will, however, have happy, happy guests.


The Rye Julep

When I make Juleps I usually use a good mid-range Bourbon. Woodford Reserve is my favorite Julep Bourbon, but Knob Creek, Bulleit or Maker's will do just fine.

The other two cocktails we've reviewed, the Sazerac and the Manhattan, were originally rye drinks to which bourbon is now often added (especially in the case of the Manhattan), so I wondered what would happen if we added rye to a Bourbon drink.

Rye and Bourbon, while related by ingredients corn and rye, are very different spirits. Where Bourbon is sweet, rye is spicy. But spice and mint is a combination that makes sense, so here we go again...

I used Russell's Reserve Rye for my Julep, a good mid-level rye made by Wild Turkey. The Rye Julep worked well. The spice of the rye was, indeed, a good counterpoint to the mint. The difference was actually pretty subtle, which goes to the dominance of the mint in this drink, as well as the sweetness of Russell's compared to some ryes, but I liked that little taste of rye spice.


In Conclusion

This ends our series on the classic whiskey cocktail. I've had fun playing mixologist for the past month, so I promise that Whiskey Wednesday will return to the subject with more classic cocktails and unorthodox interpretations (I mean you, JW Blue Old Fashioned).

Next Wednesday: The Mysterious Finlaggan
And coming soon: Cheap Scotch and More Bourbon

Double-Cut Good: Mastro's Double Cut Porterhouse

Arguably, LA has never been as much of a steak town as it is now. New steakhouses seem to open daily. In a City that was once known for healthy cuisine, we have gone mad for cow. There are hip new steakhouses that look more like five star temples of haute cuisine, retro-red booth locales that pipe in Sinatra and a few legitimate holdovers, like Taylor's, which hung on long enough to be there for the rebirth.

Personally, I'm a Mastro's guy. I've been to Cut, and no doubt about it, the wagyu beef is a thing of beauty. A perfect bite of meat, fat and juice...almost like foie gras in steak-form (and similarly priced). But the run of the mill, non-wagyu steaks at Cut are just good.

At Mastro's, I have never had a good steak, they are all superb. I've never had one that was not perfectly cooked and never had one which did not make me think, upon biting into it, that this is the place for steak in LA, or maybe anywhere.

My worship of Mastro's mastery of meat was doubly enhanced recently when I ordered the immense double-cut porterhouse. The porterhouse, of course is the T-bone which includes a fillet on one side and a New York strip on the other. At Mastro's the double-cut porterhouse comes pre-sliced. Normally, I would be wary of the porterhouse because I like my fillet rare and the fattier New York strip more of a medium rare, but knowing Mastro's penchant for cooking a steak, we ordered it anyway - medium rare. True to form, it was excellent. The fillet was red and tender, the fat on the strip was cooked through - how do they do that?

The Mastro's porterhouse is one of those things that is so good that you don't want to stop tasting it, no matter how full you get; the porterhouse easily feeds two (we're big eaters and two of us couldn't finish the thing).

Add to the excellent steaks a perfectly crafted Woodford Reserve Manhattan, creamed spinach and fried onions and the excellent butter cake for dessert, served, as all desserts are, with a completely gratuitous bowl of whipped cream, and you have the makings of a gluttonous orgy rarely seen in the old, health-conscious LA.

Mastro's Steakhouse
246 N Canon Dr
Beverly Hills, CA 90210-5302
(310) 888-8782

Oh, Sweet (Lady) Jane - Red Velvet Cake

One of these days, I will do the ultimate Sweet Lady Jane post. I have eaten at this bakery so often that I hesitate to even hazard a guess at how many pounds of their cakes I've ingested. One day, I keep telling myself, I'll do a review of their entire cake menu.

The thing about the Lady is that it is not a temple of innovation. The cakes generally do not change. The menu is standardized. For that reason, when a new one pops up, it is notable.

It was particularly notable for me when Sweet Lady Jane began offering a version of one of my favorites: red velvet cake. Red velvet cake, as you may know, is a southern treat, a deep, moist cocoa flavored cake layered and glazed with either a white butter cream or a cream cheese frosting.

I had high expectations for Jane's red velvet, and they were generally fulfilled. The cake was moist (dry red velvet is a huge, huge flaw) and sufficiently cocoa flavored. The frosting was thick and rich. It's hard to find a good velvet cake in LA, so I'm happy to add Sweet Lady to my list, but beware, it is still not a standard offering and they don't seem to carry it all the time.

Sweet Lady Jane
8360 Melrose Avenue
Los Angeles, California 90069
(323)653-7145

Whiskey Wednesday: Meet Me in Manhattan

The Manhattan is sort of a whiskey martini as it's composed of spirit and vermouth, though it has bitters thrown in as well. I consider it the more exciting and flavorful cousin of the martini. While traditionally made with rye whiskey, the modern Manhattan often includes Bourbon, so we tried some of both.

Ingredients:

Rye Whiskey or Bourbon
Vermouth (sweet or dry, depending)
Angostura Bitters
Garnish (Cherry or lemon)

How to Make a Manhattan

There is the Manhattan, which uses sweet vermouth and a maraschino cherry and then there is a perfect Manhattan which uses both dry and sweet vermouth and a lemon twist. I tried both.

I have to admit that, like many serious drinkers, I have a deep phobia of maraschino cherries. I mean, come on, those "cherries" aren't fruit. They bear no resemblance to any cherry I've ever had; they're made in a lab somewhere out of plastic and Red Dye #5, or worse; they may be the Soylent Green of bar garnishes. In any case, I tend to shy away from the cherries but added them here based on tradition.

The recipe is simple. In a shaker or pint glass pour:

2 ounces rye whiskey
1/2 ounce sweet vermouth
2-3 dashes Angostura bitters

Fill the glass with ice and stir or shake (I've got no dog in that fight). Strain into a chilled martini glass and garnish with the radioactive cherry. To make it perfect use 1/4 ounce each of sweet and dry vermouth and garnish with a lemon twist instead of a cherry.


The Rye Manhattan

Having learned my lesson with last week's Sazeracs, I stuck with the mid-level rye here and used Rittenhouse 100, although Old Overholt or Sazerac 6 year old would probably do a comparable job.

I started by making a regular and perfect Manhattan out of Rittenhouse. I was not pleased. For me, the rye whiskey Manhattan is just too densely flavored. You've got the spice of the rye, the botanicals in the Vermouth, the bitters and, in the perfect version, the twist. It's a bit of an overload. Rather than a pleasing gestalt, it's a big chaotic clusterfuck of flavors. Like atonal symphonic music or the most radical of orchestral free jazz, I struggle to find beauty in the cacophony. It's a thin line, and in the end, the composition is lacking in harmony (or harmelodics) and the sum is not greater than the whole of its parts.

Well, you can't like everything.


The Bourbon (or Tennessee) Manhattan

After my rye experiments, I was about to give up on the Manhattan when I read Tony Cecchini's Cosmopolitan: A Bartender's Life. Cecchini's entertaining work is a sort of Kitchen Confidential for bartenders, a look at the ugly and often humorous reality of professional drink slingers.

Cecchini, who prides himself on his Manhattans, includes a Manhattan recipe using George Dickel Tennessee Whiskey instead of rye. Given that I am a Dickel fan, I decided to try it, and I'm glad I did. The sweetness of Dickel provides that certain something that the rye Manhattans were missing. It pulls together all of the aromatics in the bitters and vermouth so that it tastes like one cohesive whole.

I followed that up with a Woodford Reserve Manhattan, which was also terrific.

So, make mine a Bourbon Manhattan or even better, a Tennessee Manhattan. Thanks Tony!

Next Wednesday: The Mint Julep

Fresh Mozz

The cheese stand at the Sunday Hollywood Farmers Market that carries Winchester Gouda is now also carrying a delicious fresh mozzarella di bufala made by a dairy in Chino. They have both big and mini-balls of the stuff and it all tastes creamy and fresh. The mozz is usually made the day before the market, so it's as fresh as can be. They also have fresh buffalo ricotta and a few aged and smoked buffalos, but for me, there is nothing like the rich, solid cream feel of fresh buffalo mozzarella.

Check it out!


The stand is at the north end of the Sunday morning Hollywood Farmers Market (on Ivar, between Selma and Hollywood Blvd.), on the west side of the street.

Happy 4th of July!

Eat and drink well. We will be back next week.