Of course, anyone who is a regular reader of Malt Advocate shouldn't have to be told that Hansell can't be bought. You may or may not agree with his scoring, but there is simply no questioning his integrity.
With me, however, it is quite different, so I want to reiterate here and now that I can (and hopefully will) be bought!
For a long time now, I have given out a handy price guide to interested companies which shows exactly what kinds of whiskey scores they can get for their money:
Now, keep in mind that this system is not without integrity. While a company can pay for a scoring range, I reserve complete discretion as to where on the range a given whiskey lands. If someone pays $1,000, I alone decide if their whiskey scores a 90, a 94 or somewhere in between (though a muffin basket never hurt).
Surprisingly, I have thus far not had much luck with this plan. One drinks company did make an offer, but it was contingent on my reviewing their new whiskey liqueur, and hey, even I have some standards.
So come on companies, drop me a line because remember, there's nothing worse than someone who tries to sell out only to discover that no one's buying.
[And for those of you who are tired of the satire, we'll have a real whiskey review tomorrow].