Whiskeys to Watch for in 2017

There are lots of great whiskeys that will be coming out this year. Here are a few to watch for.

Compass Box FUSWA. The FUSWA is a blend of 8 year old Clynelish, Caol Ila that's been aged for 2 years and 364 days, Irish Whiskey and Bourbon. It was aged in French oak with plastic staves, will be released at 39.9% abv and John Glaser will personally spit in each batch.

Booker Van Winkle. According to Beam Suntory, the new Booker Van Winkle Bourbon will "have the same great taste as Booker's but at triple the price." Booker Van Winkle will be sold exclusively by assholes on Facebook.

Highland Park Wood. Following up on Fire and Ice, Highland Park Wood celebrates the mysterious forests of Scotland and features a lovely, polished wooden box. When asked about the whiskey inside the box, an Edrington Group spokesman replied, "Crap, I knew we forgot something. There was supposed to be whiskey in there. Oh well, people will buy it anyway."

Trump Whiskey. A follow up on the really, really tremendous Trump Vodka that was just so successful, this is a terrific whiskey; it's going to be amazing, much better than Hillary Whiskey, which was a disaster. Trump Whiskey is made in Russia and it's going to be free because Mexico is going to pay for it.

Good luck on your hunt for these great new whiskeys!

Sazerac, Remy and Pernod in Bidding War for Guy who Made Whiskey in his Kitchen Last Week

Spirits giants Pernod Ricard, Remy Cointreau and Sazerac are in a multi-million dollar bidding war over the distilling operation of Ralph Peterson of Boise, Idaho who made a batch of whiskey on his kitchen stove last Thursday. Asked about his operation, Peterson said he used a mash of corn meal, sugar cubes and "whatever else he had around," and distilled it on his stove using two pots connected by a length of garden hose. Peterson admitted that his whiskey was "pretty terrible" and he didn't think he would try making it again, but that all changed once news of his experiment spread and the offers started pouring in.

There was no official comment from any of the bidding companies, but one spokesman anonymously explained, "The spirits industry is really starting to recognize the ingenuity and unique character of craft distilling, and that's what we're looking for. By the way, have you ever made whiskey? Do you know anyone who has?  I've got my check book right here."

As of late Thursday, the bidding was up to $130 million. Peterson said he was considering all of the offers very seriously, and had been in discussions with the competing bidders about his future role.

"I'd like to stay on as Master Distiller or at least work at the gift shop," Peterson stated, "it's really important to me to preserve the integrity of my distillery, er, stove."

Buy Sku Stuff!

As many of you know, my previous efforts to monetize this blog have been a complete failure. My deal with Diageo fell through and the Protestant Malt Whiskey Society went bust. It's not easy being a blogger. On top of drinking really great whiskey all the time, I actually have to have a job. It seems so unfair. But now, I've got the answer.

I know that if you're like most people, you love to buy useless shit. If you own a Neat glass or a Pappy Van Winkle belt buckle, I'm talking to you, and I've got some merchandise you won't be able to pass up! Please allow me to introduce our Sku line of products.

The Sku glass.  Being in with Sku means that you know quality and have class. This classic Glencairn glass with a lovely monogram shows that you are in the know about all things whiskey. And don't even think about adding ice, you hopeless philistine. ($45)

The Sku Shirt. Show your sku-ness with a lovely Sku T-shirt. Available in any size sold at Target. ($75).

The Sku Whiskey Infographic. Who doesn't love infographics?  I lovingly crafted this hand-made, full-color infographic from my special Sku knowledge of whiskey. It's an 8 1/2 x 11, suitable for framing, one of a kind original, available in hard copy or pdf. It will make you smart and cool. ($120)


And remember, if you don't have Sku swag, you're not a real whiskey lover!

If We Treated Other Reviews Like Whiskey Reviews

I was chatting with a friend, when our conversation turned to recent movies we had seen. He asked me, "Did you see Star Wars yet?"

"Yeah, I didn't like it that much."

"What do you mean you didn't like it?"

"It was okay, but the plot was almost the same as the original movie. I thought they could have been more creative. Plus, the acting was stiff."

"Hmm, well that doesn't really make sense, because most people really liked it. Maybe you should see it again?"

"Why would that change anything?"

"You might not have been in the right frame of mind. Did you have a cold? Were you taking any medications? Did you see anything else right before you went that might have affected your perception?"

"Um, I was feeling fine. I don't really remember what else I watched that day."

"Maybe you got a bad theater or something in the theater impacted your experience. Where were you sitting?"

"I don't know. In, like, the middle? Why does any of this matter?"

"It just doesn't make sense that you would have a different opinion from so many other viewers."

"Why not? People have different opinions of things all the time. That's why they're opinions."

"Sure, but it was either a good movie or a bad movie. An experienced viewer should be able to tell the difference. Now, did you watch it blind?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Did you know what movie it was before you went to see it?"

"Of course I did. How would I end up at a movie not knowing what it was?"

"Well, for your criticism to be legitimate, you really should have gone without knowing what it was so you wouldn't have any preconceptions."

"I have no idea what that even means."

"Oh, and let me guess, you ate popcorn."

"Yeah, so what."

"Well, that explains it. It sounds like your reviewing technique is pretty flawed. I assume the critics who thought it was great are the ones who are right."

"What do you mean right? It's a frickin' opinion. Why don't you see it for yourself, and then you can decide if it's good or not?"

"Oh, I already saw it."

How Whiskey Geeks Appear to Outsiders Part 2

You might recall I had a weird experience the last time I was buying cottage cheese at my local store. Recently, I went back to get some more, and as I was looking through the shelf, I was approached by the same guy who talked to me the last time I was shopping.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Oh, you're that cottage cheese guy."

"Yes I am. I even have a blog, YogurtFan.com."

"Wait, if you're a cottage cheese expert, why is your blog called..."

"Um, it's a long story. Anyway, if you're looking for something great, might I suggest this new release from Bessie's Best. It includes some curds from the famous Utter World Dairy, which I'm sure you've heard of."

"Actually, I haven't."

"Really? Well, Utter World cottage cheese is the rarest and most coveted of all. The Dairy closed in the 1990s, but there are still a few tanks of it out there that occasionally come to market. You're lucky to even find it on the shelf."

"Why would I want cottage cheese that old?"

"Just because it's considered by pretty much everyone to be the best cottage cheese ever."

"But if it's so good, why did it close down?"

"You know, back in the 1990s, people just didn't appreciate good cottage cheese. Look, even if you don't want to eat it, you should buy it. Most people who buy it will never open the container anyway."

"Why would I buy cottage cheese if I wasn't going to eat it?"

"Well, you didn't hear it from me, but you can make a mint selling this stuff on-line. You could probably turn around tomorrow and sell it for four times what you paid for it today."

"I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's an entire shelf of cottage cheese here. It all tastes mostly the same, and you're telling me that someone would buy this one at four times the price just because it came from a failed business? Look, if you like it so much, why don't you buy it?"

"Oh, I already have hundreds of tubs of it in my cottage cheese bunker."

"Okay, I think I'll be going now."

The Sku Awards: Stupidest Whiskey Person

Our final Whiskey Award is for the Stupidest Whiskey Person. It's sort of like a reverse MacArthur Award, because why should only geniuses get awards?

Today's winner is Randall Johnson from Fort Collins, Colorado. Randall paid $400 on a Facebook site for a bottle of current release Old Weller Antique. Before deciding on the award, I interviewed Randall to see if he had the enhanced level of stupidity that would make him worthy of a Sku Award.

Randall, what made you pay $400 for a bottle of Old Weller?

Well, I was interested in bourbon because I saw an article on Bloomberg News that said it was really hot right now. I like hot things, but I also want whatever hot thing I get to be the very best, so I needed to do some intensive research. Luckily, I found out that on Facebook there are a lot of places to purchase bourbon from some very knowledgeable people. The best bourbon, of course, is Pappy Van Winkle. Very few people know it, but this Old Weller is actually pretty much the same as Pappy Van Winkle 10 year old. If you look on the label, you can tell because they both say "Frankfort." It also has a UPC code!

Okay, but why didn't you just go to a liquor store and buy a bottle?

This isn't just any Old Weller; it was bottled specially for one of the liquor stores in Kentucky, where the bourbon was actually made. It's a very precious bottle, and the guy who sold it to me even let me pay extra for him to put some parafilm wax over the top to prevent oxidation.

And how did you like it?

It is the first and by far the best bourbon I've ever had! It tasted really bourbony. I don't have any notes on the finish because there is still some left in the bottle.

What do you think your next bourbon purchase will be?

The funny thing is that after I bought the Weller, I received all kinds of great offers for amazing stuff. There's one guy who said he could get me a bottle of Angel's Envy for $500. Another one said he had something called Barterhouse that he would let me have for $750. There are so many great deals to be had, and it feels so great to be part of a community of like minded enthusiasts!

Well, there you have it. Congratulations to Randall and all of our Sku Award winners!

TTB Proposes New Whiskey Definitions

The TTB regulations have long been in need of an update to cover newer whiskey styles that have emerged in the past decade.  This week, the TTB announced a new list of proposed whiskey classifications and requirements. They aren't perfect, and some don't go far enough, but they are a good start at updating the regulations. As with all federal regulations, these will be subject to a public comment period before being formally enacted.

Tennessee Whiskey: Whiskey produced in Tennessee at not exceeding 160° proof from a fermented mash of not less than 51 percent corn and stored at not more than 125° proof in charred new oak containers; and also includes mixtures of such whiskeys of the same type.

Vermont Whiskey: Whiskey which is a distinctive product of Canada, manufactured in Canada in compliance with the laws of Canada regulating the manufacture of Canadian whiskey for consumption in Canada.

Handmade or Handcrafted Whiskey: Whiskey which is a distinctive product of Indiana, manufactured in Indiana in compliance with the laws of Indiana regulating the manufacture of Indiana whiskey for consumption in Indiana. 

Craft Whiskey: Whiskey (1) made by a former accountant, lawyer or banker who decided to quit the rat race and follow his/her dreams; (2) which is unaged, or if aged, is aged in small barrels; and (3) which shall have the taste and character typical of turpentine or other chemical solvents.

Moonshine: An unaged spirit which (1) shall include a vintage car, scantily clad woman or old, bearded man on the label; (2) shall be bottled in a mason jar or jug-like container; and (3) shall include non-standard spellings and/or contractions on the label.

Small Batch: A spirit which shall contain on the label the term "small batch." 

Orphan Barrel: A whiskey conforming to the standards for Bourbon whiskey that carries a required age statement of at least 20 years old and that has the taste and character associated with wood chips, splinters and/or plywood.

Limited Edition, Limited Release or Special Edition: Whiskey which comes in a decorative bottle or box and which is priced at not less than $80 for a 750 ml container.

State of Distillation Requirement: All whiskey shall include on its label one of the following: (1) the state in which the whiskey was distilled; (2) the state in which the whiskey was aged; (3) the state in which the whiskey was bottled; (4) the state wherein is located the aquifer which supplied the water that was added to the whiskey; (5) the state in which a previous whiskey that used the same brand name was produced; (6) the state in which lived a deceased gangster or outlaw who is featured on the label of said whiskey; or (7) any other state that seems cool.

As I said, these aren't perfect, but they are at least an effort to update the regulations.  Let me know what you think of them.

Sku's Guide to Whisk(e)y Glassware

I've never felt compelled to do a comparison of whiskey glasses, but the other day I received a quite alarming email:

To: Sku

 From: International Federation of Whisk(e)y Bloggers

Dear Sku, the International Federation of Whisk(e)y Bloggers is the international body which regulates the whisk(e)y blogosphere. It has come to the Federation's attention that you have never carried out a comparison of whisk(e)y glassware. Pursuant to the Federation's revenue enhancement agreement with the International Association of Whisk(e)y Glassmakers, every whisk(e)y blogger is required to conduct a comparison of whisk(e)y glassware. Aside from enhancing the revenue of both of our organizations, these comparisons provide an important tool to the whisk(e)y drinking audience, who without our sage advice, would have no idea how to consume whisk(e)y.  

As such, you are hereby required to conduct a whisk(e)y glassware comparison within thirty (30) days of the date of this communication.  Failure to comply will result in the immediate termination of your blog. You have been warned!

Well, I am certainly not one to refuse to comply with important international laws and treaties, so I give you: Sku's Guide to Whisk(e)y Glassware.

Choosing a glass for your whisk(e)y is perhaps the most important decision you will make in your whisk(e)y drinking life. A proper glass can enhance your whisk(e)y experience, while an improper one will destroy it. If you are unwilling to spend at least as much on glassware as you do on whisk(e)y then you can just stop reading right now, because you are doomed to a life of mediocrity.

As part of this review, I tested over 100 whisk(e)y glasses, each with 10 different styles of whisk(e)y so that I could compare the nuances of each whisk(e)y glass experience. From those, I chose the top three performers to feature in this post.

3. The Pint Glass ($4.99)

This glass is the preferred vessel for ales and lagers throughout the world.  I found it had some definite advantages as a whisk(e)y containment device, offering sturdy engineering and a nice grip. While the glass received high marks overall, there are some flaws. For instance, each time I finished a testing session, I felt a bit woozy.  This may be due to toxins present in the glass or some other design defect. I will explore the issue further and report back. 

2. The Whisk(e)y Bottle ($15-$2,500)

As everyone who is not a total idiot knows, a whisk(e)y glass should be tapered at the top to maximize aromas. I found this model to have a wide base and a narrowly tapered opening, and many of them come pre-filled.  I should warn you that while these glasses are quite common, there are wide ranging price differences between similar models.  At one store, I found differences of hundreds of dollars for the exact same glass! In addition, while most bars carry these glasses, I did not find one that would let me use it to actually drink the whisk(e)y.  Honestly, what is the use of carrying these glasses if customers are not allowed to sip from them...just more fetishization of whisk(e)y I suppose. 

1. Pyrex One Quart Bowl ($8.75)

Here it is. The clear winner of this review, and the only whisk(e)y glass you will ever need. It's durable, microwave safe and has a base large enough to stick your whole face into, allowing you tobecome one with the whiskey. And the best thing about this glass is, you don't even have to use your hands.

Well, I hope you found this glassware guide to be really neat.  I'm going to sign off for the night and have a few bowls of whisk(e)y.

A New Technology to Miraculously Age Whiskey

Like Ponce de Leon searching for the fountain of youth, whiskey makers have spent years on the quest for a method that will allow them to age whiskey more quickly.  There have been countless theories and experiments, but now one man says he has the answer.

Larry Shihtzu of the Happy Kennels Distillery says he has a fool proof, tested method for aging his whiskey at lightning speed.  According to Shihtzu, "We opened our distillery inside of a working kennel so it actually ages in dog years.  For every year of aging, it tastes like it's aged for seven, so in two years, it will taste like a 14 year old whiskey; in three, it will taste like a 21 year old. When this hits the market, it's going to be huge!"

Shihtzu explains that the presence of dogs changes the composition of whiskey. "It's like how whiskey aged on the coast or on a boat has those sea notes. At the kennel, the dogs play with the barrels and roll them around; the whiskey acclimates to its surroundings and ages accordingly."

But can storing whiskey with dogs really speed up the aging process?  We took Shihtzu's theory to a chemist at a nearby university. Speaking off the record, he was skeptical, saying that from his observation, the theory appeared to be "total bullshit." Responding to the chemist, Shihtzu was undeterred, "Look, we have graphs...and charts. This thing is legit. We even submitted an article to the Journal of Veterinary Medicine."

In the end, as with any whiskey, the proof will be in how it tastes. According to Shihtzu, the distillery isn't providing samples of their work at this time. "Right now we're just doing press. You don't want to rush these things." 

How Whiskey Geeks Appear to Outsiders

The other day I was shopping at the grocery store.  As I was putting a container of cottage cheese in my cart, I was approached by a young man who said, "Can I help you find something?"

"Thanks. I'm fine."

He continued, "Is that Dairy World Cottage Cheese you've got there?"

I looked at the label and responded, "Um, yeah, I guess it is."

"You may not be aware of this, but even though they call it 'Dairy World,' they don't have a dairy. They're just a company that buys cottage cheese from another dairy and puts their own label on it. It's total BS."

"Okay, does it taste bad?"

"Not necessarily. It's really about the deception.  And they use a filtering process to sort out the smaller curds."

"Is that bad?"

"A lot of us feel that the filtering takes away from the richness, full mouth feel and balance we expect from a good cottage cheese."

"But it's just cottage cheese."

"Well, as a real fan of cottage cheese, I like to make sure people know what they're getting.  The other issue is they use a soy-based additive to add texture and color."

"Is that bad for you?"

"No, but it's an unnecessary additive to make it seem 'smooth' for people who don't know anything about cottage cheese."

"But I like smooth cottage cheese."

"No, no you don't.  Here, try this one, Healthy Cow; it's got no additives, it's unfiltered and they make it themselves."

"But it's $25."

"Good cottage cheese takes time and effort to make. And hey, that's a bargain compared to what some of the special releases cost...if you can find them."

"You know, I'm just looking for something basic so I think I'm going to stick with the $5 one, but I really appreciate your help, and I'm glad that the people who work here have so much knowledge about the products."

"Oh, I don't work here."

"Okay, I'll be going now."

Marketing Diageo Style

This just in: one of my confidential sources at Diageo sent me a recording of a marketing meeting that took place sometime in mid-2013.  I've changed the names in order to protect my source, but all of the participants are high level executives in Diageo's marketing department. Here is the transcript which provides a fascinating look into the marketing practices of the world's largest spirits company.

Roger: Thanks for coming to this meeting on short notice.  I wanted to talk about our bourbon problem.  As you know, we've got a shortage of available warehouse space.  Well, that's partly because we have thousands of barrels of very old, mediocre bourbon, mostly from the Bernehim distillery, that we have no use for. We've got to dump it somehow. I need ideas.

Peggy:  Easy, put it in Bulleit.  We need a new source for that brand anyway.

Roger: I thought of that, but this stuff is too old for Bulleit.  We could only dump small amounts in at a time, and that wouldn't do much toward ameliorating the stockpile.

Peggy:  Okay, so start a new brand. Maybe bring back IW Harper.  We get a press hit for the new brand, folks buy a bottle to give it a try, and we dump all the old crap into it.

Roger:  Great idea, I think that's a plan.

Don:  Wrong!

Roger:  What do you mean Don.

Don:  You know what I see here?  A lack of creativity.  These old stockpiles aren't a burden; they're an opportunity.  Sure, you could pour all of the bourbon into one new brand, get one press hit and people will buy one bottle, but then they'll realize that it's mediocre bourbon and they'll never buy another one. But why release one new label when you could release five or ten. Hell, release a new one every month.  Then you get a press hit for every bottle, plus reviews, blog posts and tweets every month.  People will collect them all.  They'll post pictures of them on Facebook with comments like "Boom" or "This just happened," and other people will see the posts and buy them all because it said "boom."

Roger:  Don, I don't think I made it entirely clear how mediocre this stuff is.

Don:  Oh, I'm sorry, did I accidentally walk into a meeting of the quality control department?  I thought this was marketing. Come on Roger, don't be naive. Sure, people will buy the first release and maybe it will suck, but then they'll think, hmm, maybe the second one will be better, and if that one sucks, maybe the third or the fourth will be better.  Think about it. These are old bottles of limited edition bourbon.  It's like printing money. People can't not buy them.

Peggy:  Don, with all due respect, I don't think our customers are that stupid.

Don:  We'll see Peggy. We'll see.

Whiskey for Idiots: Kentucky Hummingbird

Do you like to pay a premium for whiskey you know nothing about and have never tasted?  Do you believe the more expensive a whiskey is, the better it will taste?  Are you an idiot?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then Kentucky Hummingbird is the whiskey for you!  Kentucky Hummingbird is a mixture of barrels of Kentucky bourbon.  Each barrel is being used exclusively for Kentucky Hummingbird, so this is your only chance to taste this special bourbon.

Some folks have said Kentucky Hummingbird tastes suspiciously like Pappy Van Winkle.  Others swear it could be Four Roses.  A prominent Master Distiller tasted it and said, "to be frank, I've had worse bourbon."  Will you agree?  For $200, you can decide for yourself.  And keep in mind, if you don't buy it, some other idiot will buy it and try to sell it to you for $400, so this is a bargain!

Kentucky Hummingbird:  It's so expensive, it's got to be good!

Coming Soon to a Bookstore Near You...

There are lots of books and on-line sources that tell you which whiskeys to try.  For instance, if you're a novice, you should definitely check out this recent list of recommendations from acclaimed whiskey writer Ian Buxton, all of which you should find at your local liquor store.  While it's great to have lists of hundreds of whiskeys that you should try before your inevitable demise, it's just as important to know what not to try.  That's why I'm proud to announce my new book:


101 Whiskeys That Are Crap You Shouldn't Bother With

In this well researched volume, Sku takes you on a whirlwind tour of the 101 whiskeys you should do everything in your power to avoid.  From 1980s Bowmore, to the latest two month old craft whiskey, to anything from Woodford Reserve, Sku saves you time and money so you can save up for the 5,000 whiskeys recommended in all those other books.

And if you buy now, you will get a free bottle of Ardbeg Galileo!  Operators are standing by.

Special Announcement from the Liquor Store of the Future

To:  All Customres

From:  Sku's Liquor Silo

Date:  June 1, 2017

Hey everyone, here are the latest deals from Sku's Liquor Silo, where you always get the best deals on premium whiskey!

Our new, specially picked barrels of Old Crow are here!  We got two really great picks from the Old Crow private barrel program and they are available now for $59.99 per bottle.  We don't expect them to stick around for more than three minutes after this notice goes up, so buy now!

W.L. Weller 12.  We really lucked out on this one.  Our new allocation of the W.L. Weller 12 month old just came through and we got three bottles!  Sign up for the raffle for a chance to win one.

We're also expecting a shipment of the Eagle Rare Old No. 10 any day now.  We will email out to the group when it gets here.

WhistlePig 13 year old.  The oldest WhistlePig expression yet, this stuff is a steal for $300.  As many of you know, this whiskey is sourced from Canada, but I'm told that they are planning to open a distillery on their Vermont farm any day now.

Ardbeg will be bringing their tricked out Ardbeg Segways to the shop next week to celebrate their new special release, the Ardbeg Amadan.  The folks at Ardbeg are looking to make a more traditional style whisky with this release, so this one will be 80 proof, caramel colored and chill filtered!  Leave it to Ardbeg to always be the innovator...and I'm told the segways will be awesome (apparently Ardbeg has learned something from last year's nuclear submarine mishap).  

SPECIAL OFFER.  For a limited time only, anyone who makes a purchase with a value over $2 will get a free bottle of Old Blowhard.  No?  Okay, we will pay you $10 to take a bottle?  No?  Okay, pull a truck up to the store, and we will just fill it with this crap.  Seriously, it's been years since we ordered any, but it just keeps coming.  We don't even pay for it.  The stuff must be made of kudzu or tribbles or something. Please, please, take it away...

Order now!

Best,

Sku
Sku's Liquor Silo

The 5 Rules of Whiskey Social Media

Since there are now so many whiskey social media sites, I thought I would post the five main rules that operate in these sites so people will know how they function.  Of course, different sites have varying practices, but these rules are fairly universal.

1.  You may not buy a bottle of whiskey unless you post a picture of it and ask "Is this any good?"

2.  You may not use Google to answer any question about whiskey, ever.  You must post all such questions to social media.

3.  Once you buy a bottle of whiskey, you must take a photo of said bottle and post a picture of it so people know you now own that bottle.  You may not wait until you get home to post such photo, lest people not know that you own it while you are in transit.  Therefore, you must post a picture of the bottle in the automobile, bus, train, plane, submarine, horse or other vehicle in which you are travelling.

4.  If someone posts a picture of a rare or desirable bottle and asks if it is any good (per Rule 1), at least five people must respond, "No, it's terrible. Send it to me immediately!" or some similar sentiment.

5.  If you are at a store, bar, friend's house or any other location that has a bottle of any Van Winkle, Willett, Angel's Envy, Michter's or Buffalo Trace Antique Collection whiskey, you must post a photo of said bottle immediately.

Come to think of it, there may be more than five of these rules.  Did I miss any?

Whiskey Fun Facts

Here are some whiskey fun facts that may surprise even seasoned whiskey geeks.

• Contrary to popular belief, rye whiskey is not legally required to be made in Indiana.  While much of it is made in Indiana, some is made in Canada.
• "Whiskey" is never spelled with a z in Scotland, Japan or Ireland and never spelled with a % in the United States or Canada.
• In most countries, brand ambassadors do not have diplomatic immunity.
• Diageo is the world's largest whiskey company; they are also almost universally considered to be assholes.
• Cask strength whiskey can be good, but it really hurts when you inhale it.
• Honshu and Ireland are not technically considered part of the "Islands" region of Scotland. 
• The USA is divided up into 50 whiskey distilling regions known as "states."
• In most jurisdictions, it's considered battery to slap someone, even if they don't hold their whisky glass by the stem.
• Jim Murray's Whisky Bible has more tasting notes than the actual Bible. 
• If you post something with a technical error on a whiskey forum, it takes an average of .48 seconds for someone to post a correction, and the average number of posts that will then repeat that same correction is 37.
• Nine out of ten dentists do not recommend brushing your teeth "with a bottle of Jack."  The tenth dentist works for Brown Forman.
• In order to receive the title "Master Distiller" you are not legally required to be either a master or a distiller.
• While it is not entirely clear how bourbon got its name, most historians agree that it was probably not named for Bourbon County, Kansas.
• White whiskey is neither white nor whiskey...nor good.
• The law passed last year defining Tennessee Whiskey was written to exclude Jack Daniel's Barbecue Sauce from the requirement to be aged in new, charred oak barrels. 
• If international law had allowed only one new whiskey blog per year, it would have taken over 500 years to reach the number of blogs we have today.  That means the first whiskey blog would have been founded in the 1500s, possibly by Shakespeare. 

Now you know.

New Volleys Fired in Tennessee Whiskey War

A few weeks ago I wrote about the battle between Brown Forman, owners of Jack Daniel's, and Diageo, owners of George Dickel, over the definition of Tennessee Whiskey taking place at the Tennessee legislature.  Last week, the original bill was tabled, but the battle heated up again yesterday as both sides filed new bills aiming to amend the law defining Tennessee Whiskey.

First, Brown Forman brandished an amendment providing that, in addition to the requirements already present in the ten month old law, no whiskey could be labeled Tennessee Whiskey "unless it is released in a square sided bottle upon which is affixed a black label prominently displaying the phrase 'Old No. 7' thereon." 

When asked why this bill was necessary, Brown Forman spokesman Jasper Newton responded, "Jack Daniel's is about upholding the integrity and tradition of Tennessee Whiskey.  If people start drinking other whiskeys that use that term, and George Dickel in particular, they'll start to think that Tennessee Whiskey tastes good, and that goes against everything Jack Daniel's has stood for in its over 100 year history."

In response to the Brown Forman amendment, Diageo countered with an amendment further liberalizing the definition to include "any whiskey distilled and aged in Tennessee or Scotland and composed of at least 51% corn or a blend of Scotch whiskies."  Diageo spokesman Frank Humor explained, "We are here to defend the small craft distillers like the Bulleit Distillery. Furthermore, we believe in embracing flexibility and are getting ready to release our new Jack Walker Tennessee Blended Scotch Whisky Orphan Barrels."

Things got ugly when the two lobbyists ran into each other after a press briefing.  Brown Forman's spokesman fired first, "Come on, Diageo can't even spell the word whiskey right," to which Diageo's lobbyist responded, "Do you seriously think we should take direction from a whiskey brand whose founder was so dumb he died from kicking something too hard?"

Members of the Tennessee State Legislature were stymied as they tried to figure out which wealthy, out-of-state corporation to support.

We will keep you posted as this drama unfolds.

Our Newest Release: Really Old Whiskey!

Many of you may remember some of my early forays into whiskey marketing including Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey and its follow up, Loki Titanic Mule Train Diamond Jubilee Whiskey.  Those whiskeys, of course, are long sold out and have become the stuff of legend, but I'm proud to introduce an exciting new release.


Old As F*&$ Whiskey

Old As F*&$ Whiskey is a mysterious 48 year old whiskey that we uncovered in an old warehouse.  We took this long forgotten whiskey and gave it some additional aging in the same state that once housed the famed Stitzel-Weller distillery. Yup, none other than Pappy Van Winkle's distillery known for wheated bourbons like Very Old Fitzgerald and Old Weller.  If it's good enough for Pappy, it's good enough for us!

The only thing that's been added to this whiskey is love and pure West Virginia water (which it turns out, is very cheap these days).  We hope you will enjoy this old whiskey which should be on sale soon at a store near you for $499.99, and considering the age, that's quite a bargain compared to Pappy Van Winkle!!


Produced and Bottled by the Schitzel-Willer Distilling Co., a subsidiary of SKU International Spirits & Plumbing Supplies, 1423 Dixwell Avenue, Hamden, Connecticut. 100% Rye Grain Spirit aged in used cooperage.  A product of Canada.

The Worst Whiskey Blogs

Every month, I feature a Whiskey Blog of the Month, a blog that I find interesting, humorous, informative or otherwise notable.  Let's face it though, while I like to emphasize the positive, on my Complete List of Whiskey Blogs, there are tons of blogs that are just plain crappy and serve no purpose.  These are the worst:

Whiskey & Corpses.  I'm told that undertakers, as a group, are very fond of whiskey.  In this blog, an undertaker reviews a whiskey each week and poses the bottle with one of the corpses he's working on, along with some personal information about the deceased and an evaluation of whether he or she would like the whiskey. Frankly, I'm surprised he can get away with something like this.

The Glenfiddich 12 Review Blog.  There are some blogs out there that I consider to be a bit verbose, but this one takes the cake.  This blogger started his blog in 2011 with a review of Glenfiddich 12 and has been posting a continuous review of it ever since.  Each day he dives into a different element of the nose, palate, finish, appearance, etc., and dissects that single element; he also pairs the whiskey with different foods and samples it in different glasses, reporting in great detail on the results.

People Who Misspell Whisky or Whiskey.  As many readers know, in most places, our favorite beverage is spelled whisky, with no e but in Ireland and in most US brands, it is spelled whiskey, with the e.  This blogger has cataloged every time a media outlet, blogger or forum poster has used the wrong spelling and also posts his caustic letters to said media outlets which begin with salutations such as "Dear brain dead hyenas who call yourselves reporters," and get less civil from there.

CorkCollector.com.  Who knew there was an entire world of people who collect whiskey corks.  This site evaluates and values hundreds of whiskey corks from the uber valuable to the run of the mill.  Be aware, though, that the blogger is very opinionated and particularly despises people who only buy whiskey to collect the bottle or drink the juice without any concern for the very collectible stoppers.

UPDATE:  I apologize for any trouble people have been having with the links above.  This should be a working link for Whiskey & Corpses. 

How I Taste Whiskey

Last week, one of the people who was trying to figure out how I could possibly have a different opinion about a whiskey than other reviewers asked me under what conditions I taste whiskey and whether there were variables that could affect the tasting and explain my obviously erroneous results.  In response, I thought I would let people in on my process.

When I'm taking tasting notes, I always use my Glencairn glass.  Not just any glass mind you, but the same glass (to eliminate the common variation one gets from different glasses), and it is always sterilized by a lab prior to my using it.

All of my tastings are done between 10:00 and 11:00 pm Pacific Standard Time (between 11:00 and 12:00 pm during daylight savings).  I have a special tasting room which keeps a constant temperature, humidity and barometric pressure.  The room has an Argon gas environment to ensure that the whiskey will not oxidize while I am pouring or tasting it.  Of course, this means that I have to hold my breath during tastings, but that is a small price to pay for consistency of results.

I don't eat for 24 hours prior to a tasting, and between tastings, I cleanse my palate with a single, low sodium Wheat Thin.

All of my notes are taken on a moleskin notebook with a number two pencil.  Scores are recorded in the same notebook but with a magenta crayon from a Crayola 64 pack.  (If anyone has any extra magenta crayons, I would be willing to trade for sets of 63 crayons, of which I have many).

Oh, and I only taste in the nude.

So you see, I have eliminated all possible external influences, as well as all of the fun from my whiskey tastings.