The Sku Awards: Stupidest Bourbon

Everyone is always saying that there just aren't enough whiskey awards. To help cure this horrible shortage, all this week I will be presenting the Sku Awards. While most awards recognize greatness in whiskey or large entry fee payments, the Sku Awards celebrate stupidity, though I am happy to take entry fees. We will get started with the coveted Stupidest Bourbon award.

Stupidest Bourbon: John E. Fitzgerald 20 year old

This is possibly the most competitive category in whiskey today. From Kentucky Owl to Blood Oath to Blade & Bow, it really is the Golden Age of Stupid Bourbon. But just when Diageo thought it had cornered the market on stupid, Heaven Hill blasts in with this tiny vial of diluted Stitzel-Weller juice for $300 that comes in its own tomb.  There's no question, this is the stupidest bourbon of the year, possibly of the decade.

Congratulations to Heaven Hill!  Please contact me for your shelf talker and feel free to add this award to your promotional materials.

Tomorrow: The Year's Stupidest Whiskey Labels

Behold His Majesty John E. Fitzgerald Very Special Reserve

"Stunning." "Amazing." "Mind blowingly awesome!" These are just a few of the comments in my notes reviewing the box that contains Heaven Hill's new John E. Fitzgerald Very Special Reserve Bourbon. It's a huge cube of polished wood with a giant keyhole on either side; the wood's beautiful reddish hue is reminiscent of the color of the bourbon. The box opens outward to reveal the tiny rectangular bottle sitting on a pedestal over an engraved plaque. As you open it, a trumpet fanfare plays in your head. It's as if you had just opened the Lost Ark or the final horcrux. The bottle itself is thick glass with a heavy, metal stopper that feels like it could kill a rhino. It almost makes you forget how much they charged for this half bottle.

So what is the whiskey inside this lovely tomb?  Does it matter? Will anyone drink it? Well, it's none other than 20 year old Stitzel-Weller. According to Heaven Hill, this wheated bourbon was distilled in 1992, Stitzel-Weller's last year of production, and moved to steel tanks in 2013. It's bottled at 90 proof in a 375 ml bottle for a suggested retail price of $300.

The nose is fantastic, super oaky and dry like some of the best old Stitzel-Wellers.  Unfortunately, the palate doesn't follow suit. It's fruity and sweet with some cocoa, but it's lacking the strong oak notes and complexity of the nose. The flavors are diluted with a watery mouthfeel.  The finish is very light and a bit fruity. It's too bad that it didn't live up to the promise of the nose.

So this a good, not great bourbon. But kudos to Heaven Hill for finally producing a bourbon that people can be honest about when they declare, on illegal bourbon selling sites, that "the value of the item is in the collectible container, not its contents."

Thanks to the great Chris Stevenson for being one of the few people on the planet willing to say, "Hey I just got a Fitz 20, let's drink it."