Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Introducing a Real Craft Whiskey

I know I've occasionally been a critic of the craft whiskey movement, but I know when it's time to jump on the bandwagon, so I am proud to introduce my own craft whiskey. Here's all the information you need for your press releases and tweets.


Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey.

Sku is proud to present Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey. Back when Sku's Great Grandpappy first settled in California, it was only nachural for him to start makin' traditional California-style Rye Whiskey, but unlike most old-time moonshiners, Great Grandpappy had a special formula using only the best California rye, corn, barley, water and yeast. Well, a few years ago we found Great Grandpappy's formula in the attic and we decided that if he hadn't been gunned down by the rev'nue officers and was still around today, he'd want us to make his whiskey, a real down home sippin' whiskey made by kin.

After many hard months of of foolin' with stills, washes and whatnot, we are proud to introduce Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey, the only down home sippin' whiskey from California. Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey is the real thing, and it'll knock your socks off. It's 95% rye and 5% barley and it's been aged just a hair more than a crewcut. Now we could easily sell this whiskey for $80 or $90, but Great Grandpappy wouldn't take a shine to that; he'd want you to buy it now for only $79.99. So grab a bottle, take a swig and you'll be drinkin' like Great Grandpappy in no time.

Sku's Great Grandpappy's Down Home Real California Sippin' Whiskey, Inc., a subsidiary of Sku's Golf, Pharmaceutical & Spirits Industries, 58 Madison Ave. Suite 3082, New York, NY. A product of Indiana; aged 4.7 months; 375 ml. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Yee Haw!

2 comments:

AaronWF said...

Hey! What happened to the corn?! It says Great Grandpappy had a special formula using only the best California rye, corn, barley, water and yeast, but then it says in the next paragraph it's 95% rye and 5% barley! Whattaya tryin to pull one over on us consumers? Guess you don't care about the special formula after all. You have shamed your Great Grandpappy!

Anonymous said...

Sku,

Good one! Did you read the Bulleit "Frontier" whiskey creation myth before writing this copy? Hope Diageo doesn't sue you for plagiarism!