Thursday, May 9, 2013
Sku's Guide to Wine
As my readers know, I'm a whiskey guy. I'm not really into wine. In fact, I'd never had a glass before last Thursday, but after I saw Sideways at a friend's house, I thought I would become a wine advocate, throttle a few wines and give you the definitive scores on the best ever wines.
Screaming Eagle Cabernet. Someone told me this was the very best wine in the world, and since I did not do any research for this piece, I am going to parrot that information here: This is the very best wine in the world. It is red and smells strangely grapey. Yes, I would say there are definitely grapes in the mashbill. On the palate, it tastes like a great bourbon but wineyer. Don't bother with the ice or Coke with this one...sip it neat! Oh, and this is a really rare wine that you will never get which enhances its quality by a huge amount. 100 million points!
Charles Shaw Merlot. Charles Shaw is a guy who I assume grows and then stomps on grapes for this wine. I think it's from France and imported by a guy named Trader Joe. The only downside is that it's a Merlot, and the guy on Sideways didn't like Merlot so I can't recommend it. Terrible stuff that tastes like sewage. 90 points.
Onus One. This slope shouldered bottle has a white label with some blue smudges on it and a signature. It's fine, but I've seen better labels, especially for the price. I didn't get around to tasting it. 99 points.
Manischewitz. My Rabbi told me to drink this. It's definitely the best white wine I've had, and I think it's cask strength! 94 points.
Now that I have made the definitive statement on wine, you, my devoted readers, are ordered to slavishly hunt these down until you have driven your local retailer to the point where they will consider suicide as possibly the only relief from your incessant harassment.
I hope you enjoyed my conquest of wine and wine's unconditional surrender. Next week there's a James Bond marathon on...get ready for my definitive statement on Vodka.