Monday, January 4, 2016

How Whiskey Geeks Appear to Outsiders Part 2

You might recall I had a weird experience the last time I was buying cottage cheese at my local store. Recently, I went back to get some more, and as I was looking through the shelf, I was approached by the same guy who talked to me the last time I was shopping.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Oh, you're that cottage cheese guy."

"Yes I am. I even have a blog,"

"Wait, if you're a cottage cheese expert, why is your blog called..."

"Um, it's a long story. Anyway, if you're looking for something great, might I suggest this new release from Bessie's Best. It includes some curds from the famous Utter World Dairy, which I'm sure you've heard of."

"Actually, I haven't."

"Really? Well, Utter World cottage cheese is the rarest and most coveted of all. The Dairy closed in the 1990s, but there are still a few tanks of it out there that occasionally come to market. You're lucky to even find it on the shelf."

"Why would I want cottage cheese that old?"

"Just because it's considered by pretty much everyone to be the best cottage cheese ever."

"But if it's so good, why did it close down?"

"You know, back in the 1990s, people just didn't appreciate good cottage cheese. Look, even if you don't want to eat it, you should buy it. Most people who buy it will never open the container anyway."

"Why would I buy cottage cheese if I wasn't going to eat it?"

"Well, you didn't hear it from me, but you can make a mint selling this stuff on-line. You could probably turn around tomorrow and sell it for four times what you paid for it today."

"I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's an entire shelf of cottage cheese here. It all tastes mostly the same, and you're telling me that someone would buy this one at four times the price just because it came from a failed business? Look, if you like it so much, why don't you buy it?"

"Oh, I already have hundreds of tubs of it in my cottage cheese bunker."

"Okay, I think I'll be going now."


My Annoying Opinions said...

Have you tried this Indian cottage cheese? It's called paneer. Because of the climate in India it smells stronger than regular cottage cheese. By the way, in a blind taste test dairy farmers in Wisconsin said they couldn't tell it apart from their own cheese which costs less.

Ravensfire said...

Love the humor in that analogy.

Curt said...

Not to throw cold water on a humorous take, but what seems to really boost prices would be a strong rumor that the govt is coming to take your, ahem, "cottage cheese" away. By the time you raced back to your grocer, there wouldn't be a small or large curd left.

Anonymous said...

(*as weirded-out cottage cheese customer walks away*)

But wait... if you buy that cottage cheese I just recommended, you can be part of a Cottage Cheese Club I am in that meets once a month. We all bring different brands of cottage cheese to the meetings and taste them blind. You would love it.

(*customer begins to run*)

Anonymous said...

If you want to try World Cottage cheeses, there's now a company that will ship 1oz capsules of cottage cheeses from all over the world! Every month!! They even send tasting notes, too.

And, if you don't believe me about Bessie's Best, then you really haven't done your homework, don't know anything about cottage cheese, are wasting my time, and you probably don't really like cottage cheese at all.

Here, here's some pre-wrapped American Cheese for you.

Good day!!


NewYorkJosh said...

How long is cottage cheese still good for after you open a tub? I have some that I opened two years ago. It smells a little funny.

Funky Tape said...

No whey I'd ever think you'd get a part 2 out of this. Way to milk it.

BTW, I'm willing to let a few rare wax top tubs go for the right price. Hook it up on the PM.

Anonymous said...

Everyone here is forgetting about the most important aspect of cottage cheese. You must use the correct cracker while consuming.

Unknown said...

I found some that's supposed to be almost as good as Bessie's Best. Apparently someone put other curds in the same butter churns that Utter World Dairy used! They didn't say where the milk came from, but who cares? It's the same wood in the churns! They even named it after a dead president who lived in a cottage and owned cows! It's called Milk of Monticello.

Chad Zolman said...

If it is not in a half size glass tub, wrapped in foil, dipped in wax, inside a bag that is locked in a box, then I don't want one!

Anonymous said...

I hear there's this one fella over in England who rates cottage cheeses....

Anonymous said...

There's a rumor going around that he's in the pocket of Bessie's Best. Nobody trusts his ratings anymore.

Eugene said...

This and the last one are absolutely hilarious! My whole family was laughing.

Anonymous said...

Priceless!! -just like the cheese :-OO

Anonymous said...

Be VERY careful if you're amazingly lucky enough to score what looks like a genuine tub of Bessie's Best - it might have been emptied, filled with Kraft or some other bottom-shelf crap, and cunningly resealed :-((